Nanay, our Nanay!

Death is (un)arguably the most painful natural occurrence in life. Everyone, at some point, will die or experience the pain of losing a dear one. But no matter how “natural” a thing death is, it still is the most baffling, the most foreign, isolating feeling in this world, most especially for those left behind.

After losing two of the most important people in my life (Tatay in 2007 and Ate in 2013), I would think that I’ve become stronger and wiser in dealing with the pain and the complex nature of moving on and letting go.  But you just never get used to death. It’s always going to be difficult and, to some extent, torturous. And I found myself going through the same process again. And it seemed harder this time.

April 13, 2015. We lost Nanay, the person whom most of us in the family considered as our strength (and weakness) and our life. She was 82. Old and has lived a full life. But I was just never ready to let her go, because I was just about to enter a new phase in my life (I am now a wife and soon-to-be mother) and I wanted her to witness it—of all people, I know she will be the most supportive, the proudest.

For years, my life revolved around her. We were roommates and she would often introduce me to her cousins as her “nurse” or “bodyguard.” And I actually liked that label, because I loved taking care of her! I loved her dearly and selflessly, because she loved us, her grandchildren, the same way. She was my EVERYTHING (and still is)!

A force to be reckoned with (seriously! you wouldn't want to mess with Mrs. Sison!), Nanay was that constant fixture in our lives who seemed to have perfected the art of doing things for us, from kitchen tasks down to carpentry solutions (but, of course, she had a “battalion” of helpers to assist her). We trusted her decisions and taste in many things. And, like I said, you wouldn’t want to argue with her because, most of the time, she’s almost always right.

Nanay was indeed one of a kind—overly generous, caring, and strong-willed! Her strength is a gift to us. It was infectious and inspiring. She was our sunshine at home, our comfort after a hard day’s work. SHE IS OUR NANAY… and more! And getting used to not having her around remains an everyday challenge, most especially today, her birthday.

But I know for years, it has been Nanay’s wish to be reunited with our Tatay again—the love of her life. And she finally got her wish granted.  

Happy birthday, my Nanay! Enjoy your day in heaven. We’ll take care of your celebration on earth. Dance with Tatay, sing with Ate, and be one with God up there. I love you and I miss you always and forever!